"what did this man do, officer?"
"he just… he just did everything”
this text post going around about ‘how to love someone with depression’ has a good message, but I think that it’s leaving something to be desired. Many people reading it don’t realize that those who have mental illnesses can be extremely emotionally/physically/verbally abusive and if you’ve encouraged them to seek help and they don’t, it is 10000000% justifiable and acceptable for you to distance yourself from them.If they are at least trying to improve themselves, go for it. Date them/love them/befriend them. However, it is not your job to help someone who will not help themselves. Your well-being is just as important as theirs and their mental illness may be the cause of abuse, but it is not an excuse.
this is so important to me, and it’s a pretty rare message to see on tumblr- especially in the mental health circles where, from what i’ve seen, it’s a lot more common to have this mindset that anyone who distances themselves from you when you’re struggling with a mental illness is just an ignorant prick who doesn’t understand what you’re going through. and i can understand that there are certainly times when this is the case, but i don’t think it’s fair to make that call without ever once examining your own behaviour. it’s true that people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of abuse rather than perpetrators. but being sick does not automatically make you the victim in every circumstance, nor does it exempt you from being abusive, toxic, or simply taxing on other’s health and well-being for any number of reasons.
because the fact of the matter is that not every relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, etc.) is abusive if it causes someone to back off like this. and lack of outright abuse doesn’t make a person’s desire for space any less valid. sometimes you’re just not good for each other at this point in your lives. and it sucks. trust me i know it really sucks. but you cannot put yourself and your health first without allowing others to do the same for themselves.
i have a lot of feelings about this lousy double standard and i’m seriously not a fan of it. and i’m really sick of people using buzzwords like ableist and toxic when others call them out on their nonsense or get worn out trying to take care of people who won’t seek any form of help on their own.
- One or both members aren’t able to experience personal growth
- One or both feel as if the life is being sucked out of them
- One member always takes the blame for things going wrong
- The relationship is defined by conflict and frequent arguments
- One member has more power over the other than the other has over themselves
- There is a lot of negativity in the relationship (insults, put-downs, criticism)
- One or both members confuse being in need with being in love (the relationship is contingent on what one person can do for the other)
- One or both members feel worse about themselves, not better
- The focus is on changing one member
- Lack of support
- One member is forced to answer to the other
- Feeling angry or resentful of the other member
- Pressure to abandon children from another relationship
- Ultimatums and threats
- Dictating discussions
- One or both members embarrass the other
- One or both members neglect themself for their partner
- One or both members feel pressure to change who they are for the other person
- One or both members feel worried when they disagree with the other person
- One or both members feel pressured to quit activities they usually/used to enjoy
- One or both members pressure the other into agreeing with them or changing to suit them better
- One or both members are forced to justify their actions to the other (where they go, who they see)
- One member feels obligated or forced to have sex
- Lack of privacy
- One member refuses to use safer sex methods
- Arguments aren’t settled fairly
- Yelling during an argument
- Attempt to control or manipulate each other
- One or both members try to control how the other dresses and criticises behaviours
- One or both members don’t make time to spend with the other
- Have no common friends, or one or both members have a lack of respect for the other’s friends and/or family
- An unequal control of resources (food, money, home, car, etc.)
- Lack of fairness and equality
rain; condensed water falling from a cloud.
this is terrifying and beautiful at the same time
I have a headache
yEAH BUT YOU CAN’T USE A dUALSCAR TO PROP UP YOUR COFFEE TABLE,
you can 1f you try hard enough
> If he was so inclined, he could’ve gone for the throne room this very second and sat upon the gilded throne. He wasn’t far, but now wasn’t the right time, even if he did want it.
> As it were, he didn’t want it, nor did he care to ever take the throne on this disgusting little planet that stood to remind him of everything he once was.
> He skipped it over and headed down the halls wide halls, strides quick as he smirked and folded his arms behind his back. Soldiers jogged past him, hurrying to join the fray elsewhere and do their part, but the Princeling took his sweet time.
> He watched how Terezi took charge. Such an eager Legislacerator, so hungry to be done with these coddling laws as himself.
> He wondered if she thought she was going to get this under control and stave off the inevitable civil war.
> He wondered if she thought she could salvage anything at all, or if, truly, she only wanted to scavenge his kill. Take advantage of the chaos she knew he started to instate her own laws.
> He messaged Rez, making sure things kept going in the proper direction.